i am concerned with what i do to myself physically and emotionally. i know what i am doing is wrong, but at the same time i cannot help but rationalize that it is right. dilemma of dilemmas, i know.
i think this problem stems in my youth. i spent a lot of time in restraint, so when i get the chance to have certain aspects in my control, let us just say… i rarely care for consequences. i become unknowingly selfish, i want and need all of it because in the past i never got any of it. from there it turns into such an addiction and obsession. i will exercise this new thing in my life until it becomes lack luster or has lost its novelty, then it is on to the next one. unfortunately, my desire for change and newness is insatiable because of this.
i guess you can say restraint is and will always be my vice. either it has all of me or i have none of it.